From our parents to our current spouse and friendships, relationships form the foundation of our identity. How we see ourselves informs how we live in the world and is deeply influenced by  how these relationships were defined in our families of origin and the role(s) we were given in that relating system. As we grow, other systems like culture, society, school, church, and work 

add layers to that relational identity (role).

 Too often, we are not aware of these built-in ways of functioning and the depth of their control over our responses to people. And, when our relating systems do not meld with another person's, when separate stories compete for dominance and for the power to define our roles, the result is relationships characterized by conflict, power struggles, and misunderstandings Learning your systemic functioning means naming the roles, beliefs, and expectations 

at the core of your relational identity 

and releasing those which do not serve you and others well. This journey of discovery will increase mutuality, peace, and understanding 

in your relationships by learning to respond with intention from a place of freedom, 

rather than to react from habit.

When our life starts to unravel, it is normal to feel more emotions and  to feel them more often.

We tend to believe that this increase in emotional presence means something is wrong

and we need to be fixed.

 These programmed beliefs about what emotions mean tend to bring fear, anger, and shame to an emotional party that already has too many guests. What is emotions aren't the problem?  What if stories they are trying to tell us are a key to unlocking healing and transformation in the deepest, darkest, scariest places within us?  

What if we could learn to read our emotions 

like a favorite book and the internal truths they are telling us about ourselves? 

As we learn to make our emotions a friend 

rather than foe, a normal and expected part of human existence, and the sign of an integrated 

internal reality, then we are on our way to emotional intelligence, emotional maturity, and the emotional fullness of what the whole-istic human experience is all about. 

St. Paul wrote, "I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I wish to do."

I can SO relate to that, can't you?

Our choices are what we see in action every day, and sometimes, it's easier to begin story work there and ask: what I do that I wish I didn't, 

and what I don't do that I wish I did.

Did you know that our behavior (aka our choices) are functions of our subconscious stories?

Like an iceberg, most of what you know about yourself is hidden under the water.

That's why we experience so many Titanic-type events: we can't avoid what we can't see.

Our choices are our stories in action.

Your patterns and habits are telling your story.

They are revealing yourself to yourself.

The question is: are you ready to listen?

We don't change behavior by setting a 30-day  challenge or a 60-cleanse or a 90-day bootcamp.

These don't ever create permanent change.

We change by first knowing what motivates us,

our core desires, beliefs, fears, and wounds.

Then, we can navigate our boat (behavior)

with clarity of sight and purpose.

And PS: the Relationship Workshop is an excellent tool for this work!

This wrestling with faith and church is a key piece of my story and I'm honored to walk with you through times of spiritual questioning and deconstruction and through the aftermath of betrayal and wounding. 

I've experienced significant wounding 

in the areas of faith and religion,

 and I know that it's really hard 

to separate Divine from people and institutions.

I am a safe place to wrestle with your faith, to examine its influence on your life, 

to dare to doubt and ask questions, 

and to discover freedom from shame and guilt.

 Find freedom from "should-ing" all over yourself, 

and find a fresh vision of hope for your future and the future of your faith.

And, we don't have to talk about faith at all.

It's absolutely your choice. 

It's your time, your space.

The pressures of leadership are intense.

People seem to expect perfection 24/7 

and any sign of fatigue or crack in the armor

can be met with anger, doubt, and rejection

from within the organization.

Sometimes, we need a place to process safely and confidentially the messiness of leadership and

 the intense demands it places on us.

I can help you learn to separate the story 

of yourself the person from the projections 

of false stories and expectations 

of you the leader. You will  learn to differentiate yourself in a way that brings 

health and well-being to both you and to the context in which you serve. 

Believe it or not, your choice for self-care is not selfish or weak. Quite the opposite! Learning to read your story well is vital to sustainable and meaningful leadership.

In fact, science proves that 

the healthier you become, 

the more you and your context 

(and the people therein!) 

will be able to flourish and thrive.

We grow to bring life to the people around us.

This world is not kind to bodies, especially those with perceived flaws or differences from what is "normal" by the dominant culture.  What is means to be male and female has suffered greatly at the hands of a culture that believes that bodies are a commodity, a tool, an advertising prop, and a means to an end. The efforts of religion to control bodies as a means of reducing "sin" by making them bad and wrong have only continued to support the long-term effects of the  Greek idea of

mind-body dualism* (that the physical is separate from the spiritual/mental person) that has been 

 long prevalent in both secular and church cultures, theology, and psychology, and together  have created and sustained a physical world in which many bodies find it unsafe to be present. 

We can learn ways to bring our bodies back into our stories safely and intentionally, to reclaim the beauty of the goodness of our physical self that is home to the presence of the Divine, and re-embody an incarnational view of God and self. From a place of kindness, we can begin to reconstruct our self-identity as a whole, complete, multi-dimensional being with embodied purpose and potential. 

*Visit my recent Blog post on the topic